Hi, I'm Ben

and I write poems and songs

taking halves.
bngrdnr
I pulled all the petals from a flower
just to get her to talk
and she told me what I wanted to hear
but sometimes those things are wrong
and a secret's not a secret for long
when you write it all over the city
or sing it in songs
or you sing songs at all
and hey, this one's for you



I strikeout parts I don't like, if you haven't noticed.

mailorder perfume
bngrdnr
Hey Hallie
How've you been?
I've missed you so much
Since the second we met
But did you ever really know me?
I don't think you did
Still I can't help but wonder
what could've been
You see I'm not one to fall in love
Or at least pursue when she runs
I've gotten tired of chasing
I'm starting to get used to giving up

long drive, pt. 2
bngrdnr
If you ever figure everything out,
I'll probably still be waiting around
I'm easy enough to find
all it takes is no sense of place or time
you can always catch me as the sun goes down
on a curb in some middle-of-nowhere town
I've been waiting here for long enough
and I know well enough that I've fucked things up
so why's it so hard to just walk away?
Forget your name, forget your face
It's probably in the way you left
------------
I've some things left to say
I hope you can remember my name
but I can't count on you for that
I can't count on you for anything.

Dear changing mind;
bngrdnr
Dear changing mind;
I'm so tired of wasting my time
I've loved the last few weekends
I want you to know that I'm different
I know you're not used to being treated right
but maybe that could change tonight
and believe me when I say you're worth that much
at least more than enough
it's all I can do.

incomplete.
bngrdnr
Heaven's got this sign on their gate that says
"You never find what you're looking for"
But God knows that's a lie
And I can only hope that it is because
tonight I left the house a mess,
hoping that you'd give a shit
but you're not even here anymore
nobody ever really comes around anymore.

long drive, pt.1
bngrdnr
So I took down a monument
And put it in my wallet
And it stayed in my pocket for days
But if you complain
you've got no right to say
that I didn't try to make this okay
And you'll stand by your words
but you still sound absurd
and I don't think you heard what you heard
Because I don't sing for you.

I'm degenerating as a writer.

Smoke
bngrdnr
The birds
hung like smoke in the sky
I couldn't breathe
I was a bit too high
and I found you,
figured I'd give myself up
but there's no excuse
sometimes things just fall apart

So come on girl
just hit the switch on the wall
I'm not ashamed
to say it's all my fault
I can accept the things I've done and said
but not without a little regret

So taste the lights,
the way they play off your face
from my eyes
"Do you remember my name?"
"Are you high?"
"It gets me through the day
alive"
I think I'll be okay tonight
Tonight, when you forget about me and get lost on the way to alright

So come on now
in the palm of your hand is the cure
to everything you know you just can't ignore
but if you're looking for sympathy
I'm fucking fresh out of therapy
until you stop being so afraid.




Another Dashboard-esque song?  Wow, I'm lame.
Crossed out a line I really don't like.  Someday I'll change it.

Song about insomnia
bngrdnr
You've become quite a bad habit
But I've been throwing less of a nicotine fit
and having breakdowns instead, alone in my bed
With just a song that I love and your voice in my head
I only wish I could hit the notes that you sang
But I'm more or less afraid to try
So I'll continue to lie

And if you ask, I'm fine
And if you're still wondering, I had a good time
I just wish I had a little more to say
than "I'll talk to you later" and "no, it's okay."

I hope you believe me, though my word isn't much
I've never kept a promise that I made as a crutch
and this is no different than what I've said before
To her or to you, or to the next girl I'll be crazy for

The next girl I'll be crazy for
Who'll be the next girl I'll be crazy for?
You won't be the next girl I'll be crazy for
Because I'm tired of holding onto things that don't mean anything anymore

And if you ask today
if everything's okay
I'll probably lie through my teeth
and not say "I've been losing sleep"
because my dreams are keeping me awake...

keeping me awake...  keeping me awake
I should be ashamed
I should at least tell them your name.




This song would sound like a Dashboard Confessional song if I was that good.  But I'm not, so it won't.

Untitled 04
bngrdnr
Everything I write
Contradicts my thoughts
My heart is like a ticking clock
But it needs reset
The power out threw it off
So I'll find a new battery

The things that I say
get a little worse everyday
But the verses I write keep improving
I wish it wasn't that way
I wish I didn't need to say
That I'm writing songs
for the sake of being okay.

But I can't stop you from leaving
And I wouldn't blame you if you did
I'd just like to know what about me that it is
That got you wondering in the first place
That made me worth your time and space
And what wit was that made you want to go
That made you want to give up
before you ever even showed up.




meh, unfinished.
I kind of like all of these.  But at the same time I don't.  I guess we'll see.

Untitled 03
bngrdnr
Fresh air fills my lungs
But it can't kick the blues off of my tongue
So I found a staircase
And lit a cigarette just for fun
And all the pollution 'round my head
Can't touch what my mind hasn't said
It's been bottled up time and time again
And writing doesn't help
I'm always ripping off someone else
And I keep finding ways to ruin
the great records on my shelves
So I'm sorry that I'm leaving
But please darling stay what you are
I can't slow down this beating heart
But he's giving up on you and all the things that we could start
But he'll keep on pumping blood
Into the veins that I've beat up
and keep telling me that
everything is alright
Cause a good heart knows that it's worth the time
For someone who knows what they're trying to find
In this fucked up fucking life
So you keep playing the same songs
I'll keep writing new ones that no one wants
to hear me sing
But I'll do my best to stay strong
And as bad as it hurts
I know that I will learn
from the things we've done
God, I had some fun
I hope you had fun.






Anyone catch the Saves the Day references?  Anyone??

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